First

Dear CS,

You were the one I considered my first — my first love. You were a friend of a friend, and I had a crush on you for two years. You always accompany my friend whenever he walks me home, and I always find myself jumping with joy, telling my roommies how much I like you. You were my ultimate crush.Then, after two years of having a crush on you, we had a chance to get to know each other. I acted cool and pretended that I never had a crush on you, then you suddenly fell for me too.

Everybody thought that our relationship was so perfect. We thought too.

Thank you, CS. Thank you for all the efforts you have exerted. You may think I was ungrateful but I am really thankful. Thank you for calling me early in the morning whenever I needed to wake up early. Thank you for waiting for me in Sta. Mesa every single day because you don’t want me to walk alone knowing that I’m afraid of dogs. Thank you for traveling from south to north just to make sure I arrived home safely. Thank you for the piggyback rides when I’m too lazy to go upstairs. Also, thank you for the little things, especially our daily flat tops and ice candies. Thank you for all the sacrifices you have done. To be honest, I don’t think that another man would do all the things you have done for me. I don’t think that another man would love me the way you have loved me. You never surrendered even though I was so unpredictable and grumpy. You never hated me even though I am the worst person I know.

I thought we would last, but I ended it. I’m sorry. After all the efforts you had put to keep our relationship alive, I still chose to leave you, and I’m really sorry for that.

You made me the center of your life and for me, it’s suffocating. I have taken your love for granted. I thought when I ended it, I would get the freedom I want. I was wrong.

The first three months were okay, I experienced the independence I’ve been longing for so long. Then, suddenly, I missed everything about you, but I cannot face you anymore. After all the things we’ve been through, I know you don’t deserve someone like me.

It has been almost two years since we broke up. You promised me you’d wait for me, but I constantly pushed you away. I heard you already have a new girlfriend. Don’t worry, I’m not angry because you weren’t able to keep your promise to me. I think she treats you right. She treats you better. I am happy to know that you have met someone who can actually treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

Don’t get me wrong. I have also moved on. I wrote this letter because I want to unfold our untold story. I want you to know that I appreciate you.

I wrote this letter because I want to sincerely apologize about what happened between us. I hope you find a place in your heart where you can forgive me.

I also want to thank you. I want you to know that I am grateful. Really. I want you to know that whatever we felt before was real. I have loved you. So much.
I am sorry that we drifted apart.

You were my the-one-who-got-away. But I only wish one thing: I wish that whenever you remember me, you remember our happiest moment together, not regretting  that you fell for someone like me.

You were not my the-one, but you were my first. And you will have my respect forever.

Thank you.

Very respectfully yours,

H


Originally posted on my previous blog, two years ago. It was your birthday yesterday. Belated happy birthday.

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