Ever since we lost you, we have different ways to cope up. Some of us try to recover by remembering you as a good person. Some of us try to forget that traumatic event that caused your life.
In my case, I live with the pain of losing you. I don’t want to recover. I want to remember you. This is the least that I can do for not reading the signs. I wish I was sensitive enough to know that you are suffering alone. I know you told us that you love us and we should not blame ourselves, but how can I not blame myself? I was deaf and blind. You were fighting your demons alone. You didn’t even bother to tell us how you feel because you don’t want to make us worry. I’m sorry for being selfish. I wish I still eat my food with you while we talk about life in general. I wish I was able to properly tell and show you how much we love you. I wish I was a better sister. I wish you didn’t leave us. Please forgive me for feeling this way. Please forgive me for not moving on. I feel like if I move on, I will betray you again. So, please, just let me remember you. I want to remember the good times and the bad times. Please forgive me. This is the punishment I imposed to myself. I hate myself.
Wubba lubba dub dub.